I recently went through a short-lived, but intense period of worry. It was a job-related issue, and I, of course, "awfulized" the whole situation. I would have a few minutes of peace, then my human side would take over and allow my mind to create the worst possible scenarios.
I sought Christian counsel. I prayed to God. I did some scripture recall. I rebuked Satan. But this morning I realized most of my prayers were for the wrong thing. The focus of my prayers were for relief from worry. I was focused on me. What I needed from God. Praise was absent from my time of pleading. Thankfulness for past faithfulness missing from the equation. I was focused on the situation that created the worry, not the God who promised me abundant life and the peace of God.
This weekend has been a spiritual revelation for me. Not only about the object of my prayers, which I just discussed, but also about my lack of faith. This last realization grieves me.
I can talk about the birds of the air and the lilies of the field. I have even prepared a lesson for the Gathering Tree patrons about how important we are to Christ and that He will watch over us. But when the chips were down, I allowed a largely imagined workplace situation to rob me of joy, sleep, and peace. If I were one of the Three Little Pigs, my faith house would be of straw, maybe sticks, but certainly not bricks.
But therein lies the rub. If I want my faith to grow, if I wish for my trust in Him to mature, many more trying times will need to be allowed into my life. God knows the level to which I have elevated work and financial security in my life, not quite to idolatry, but these two things have always been very important to me. If true, bedrock faith and dependency on Him is to be achieved, then situations will have to arise that attack those worldly things I have deemed "important" and "necessary". This frightens me. It points to a weak faith.
I need to reach the point where "Well done my good and faithful servant" is more important than "Here is your next contract." As Jerry Reed sang, I've "got a long was to go and a short time to get there."
Finally, one question. How does one increase his faith unless that faith is tested? This question frightens me.
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